Well, it’s the first day of the ‘big summer holidays’ and we’re off to a rocky start already.
I was in the kitchen putting a load of washing in the machine around 12 o’clock, and as I pressed the “on” button Isla came running in.
Isla: Mum, I can’t find Joey anywhere! (joey is our kitten)
Me: Well I’m sure he’s just sleeping somewhere.
Isla: No I’ve checked everywhere
At this point Iden come in
Iden: Are you looking for Joey?
Me; Yes, do you know where he is?
Iden: I saw him in the washing machine earlier.
Isla turned white and looked like she was going to faint on the spot, I have to admit I felt a bit queasy myself. I turned to look in the washing that was sloshing clothes around, and to be honest I didn’t really know what on earth I would see if he was in there, but I knew there would probably be some red – which there wasn’t.
Me: No the machine was empty, I would have noticed if Joey was in there.
As I turn around I see the back door is open – Shit, not a good sign.
Me: Come on I’ll help you look.
We searched the house from top to bottom, looking in all the usual and unusual places, he was nowhere. It was time for football, so I told the kids I’d look after I got back. After I dropped them off, I came home and looked some more, in the back garden around the neighbours – nothing.
So there was nothing else i could do except make up some flyers.
LOST KITTEN
WE HAVE LOST OUR 6 MONTH OLD KITTEN. MAINLY WHITE WITH BLACK MARKINGS ON HIS HEAD AND BACK. ANSWERS TO THE NAME JOEY. PLEASE CALL; ETC ETC.
I knocked on all the neighbours doors and gave them flyers. I went to Doreen’s, the eccentric old lady nearby. She answered the door with her long black hair as always tied up in a bun and a bright red neck scarf knotted to side drapping over her shoulder. She asked if I wanted to look out the back, so I did. Her house smelt like my grans used to, old lady perfume and shephards pie. She had hideous floral carpets, swirling wallpaper with photographs and trinkets everywhere, I wanted to ask if I could stay and just hang out there all afternoon looking at her junk, I didn’t, and Joey wasn’t there, so I went on my way.
After handing out a gazillion flyers, the 2 hours of football was up, so i went to get the kids. They obviously assumed that I would have found him while I was back so needless to say they were pretty upset when i told them he was still missing.
Honestly, I was beginning to lose hope, he’d been gone about 4 hours. It wouldn’t have been such a big deal if he was bigger or was used to going out, I’d just think ‘well he’ll wander back on his own’ but with the extremely busy road we live on, I wasn’t too sure.
About 6 o’clock we searched the neighbourhood again, Isla handed out flyers to workman, teenagers and thugs and even they looked sorry for her as she stood there in her shorts and wellies (don’t ask) with a pitiful face. When we got home we did a silent house search. I thought if he was trapped somewhere inside we should be really quite and listen for meows – Nothing. We put his food bowl out and I said I would keep the door open downstairs until I went to bed.
So by this time it was time for them to get pajamas on, they wanted to watch a movie in my bed so it was slightly earlier. Upstairs they did hands, face, teeth and wee (I could have left that bit out right, you don’t care about that?) then went to their bedroom and Isla opened her wardrobe door….
“JOEEEEEEEEEEEEYYY!” There he was, sitting there looking so pissed off. He had a face on him like a little kid when they’re playing hide-and -seek, they think they have a great hiding place and then someone opens the bloody door and finds them. Even during the silent search I can imagine him in there ’don’t meow, don’t let them hear you, you can just start a new life here in the wardrobe, they’ll never know’ Of course Isla was over the moon and I was very relieved too (Also because he went to the vet yesterday and that cost £100 – joke, kind of)
So there you have it, Joey is home safe and sound and he never even left.
What?
Anti-climax?
You wanted the washing machine ending didn’t you, you sick bastard!
